When Does a Sleep Regression Stop Being a Regression?
At this stage of parenting, most of us have lived through a child’s sleep regression.
Nothing is quite so disruptive as thinking you finally have a firm grasp on your child’s bedtime routine… and then suddenly one night your child decides:
“Yeah. We aren’t doing that anymore.”
While living through my daughter’s last regression, I kept thinking:
At what point does this stop being a regression and just become the new normal?
One week? Two weeks? A month? Three months?
Let me tell you about this last one — and what we learned as parents that radically changed how we manage our evenings.
The Regression That Wouldn’t End
I think it was around October last year when my daughter’s sleep really fell apart.
Bedtime became a marathon. We’d get her in bed… only to be called back in every five minutes for up to 40 minutes after putting her down.
Then came the middle-of-the-night requests:
“Water and rock.”
Translation: “I want a drink of water and I want you to rock me.”
Then the 5:00am wake-ups. Ready to start the day.
You know — the normal regression stuff.
Except this one didn’t last a week or two.
It went on for months.
I’ll be the first to admit my wife took the brunt of those brutal nights. But it was still hard watching her walk through each day exhausted while the evenings kept getting worse.
The Humbling Realization
Around December, I bought the toddler course from Taking Cara Babies.
We had used her infant program with both of our kids and it was a lifesaver. So I was hoping this would work another miracle.
One of the most humbling parts of going through the course was realizing this:
So much of the difficulty we were having with her sleep was actually a reflection of how we were managing behavior and our evening routines.
That one stung a little.
But it was also empowering.
The framework they teach is called B.E.S.T. — and honestly, it changed more than just bedtime.
B – Build Confidence Around Sleep
We learned to frame sleep as a positive action, not a negative one.
Even if you didn’t sleep well, you say, “I slept great last night!” — and you let your child hear that.
Because if all they hear is:
“Man, I’m tired.”
“I was up all night.”
“I didn’t sleep well.”
Those ideas stick.
So we changed our language around sleep. That alone shifted something in our house.
E – Set Clear Expectations
Children want to live up to expectations — even toddlers.
Instead of saying:
“June, I don’t want you getting out of bed tonight.”
We learned to say:
“Junie, tonight you’re going to stay in your bed with your eyes closed and your blanket on.”
Emphasize what they are going to do, not what they aren’t.
That subtle shift matters.
S – Simulate Sleep Through Play
This one was actually fun.
We started asking June to teach us how to go to bed.
She’d tuck us in on the couch.
She’d put her stuffies to sleep.
She’d pull the blanket up and whisper, “Night night.”
It was adorable.
But I also think it tapped into something deeper — it gave her ownership over the routine. Now she makes sure her stuffies are tucked in before she goes to sleep. Almost like she’s stepping into the role herself.
T – Fill Their Tanks
This one hit home the hardest for me.
Kids have three tanks:
A body tank
A mind tank
A heart tank
If those are full, they sleep better.
Body Tank
They need to be physically tired. They need to move. Run. Climb. Burn energy.
(As someone who runs a kids bike program, this one makes a lot of sense to me.)
Mind Tank
Two- and three-year-olds are wired to test their voice. They want control.
Instead of fighting that, we started offering small choices:
“Green cup or red cup?”
“This book or that book?”
Tiny decisions — but they feel powerful to them.
Heart Tank
This one changed our evenings.
Our kids need connection.
Just 15 minutes of uninterrupted, one-on-one time — doing something they choose — fills their heart tank in a big way.
I’d like to think we give our kids a lot of attention. But we had fallen into a routine that looked like this:
Family dinner.
Then we’d tell the kids to go play while we finished talking about our day.
It felt innocent.
But they wouldn’t leave the table. They’d pick at each other. We’d get frustrated. I’d say things like:
“You have a bunch of toys. Go play with them.”
And they still wouldn’t go.
What they were really saying was:
“Mom. Dad. We missed you today.”
They just didn’t have the words for it.
The Shift
So we changed it.
After dinner, we both engage in one-on-one play.
Then my wife handles bath while I do the dishes.
Then we each put one kid to bed.
Simple. Basic.
But it changed everything.
Is my daughter’s sleep perfect?
No.
But it’s a hell of a lot better.
And honestly — the bigger win isn’t the sleep.
It’s that our evenings feel protected now. Slower. More intentional.
I’m more patient when they seem clingy.
I understand what’s underneath it.
When you read ideas like this, they seem basic. Almost obvious.
But when you’re in the middle of it — exhausted, frustrated, just trying to survive bedtime — it’s so easy to miss.
Like most things in life, coming back to the basics is what moves things forward.
